Reflection and Regret
by ShamelessPride
Summary: First fic :P A short Pearlshipping one-shot. Set in the Unova region, where Ash is bearing the burden of nostalgia as he reflects on his previous journeys.


Right - First fic, and it's just a short oneshot - seeing as the main reason I'm writing is so I can Beta Read in future. So Yeah. Enjoy? :P

I don't own pokemon etc etc

Writer: AimlessVanity

Pearlshipping

**Reflection and Regret**

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><p>The moonlight bounced off the lake that stretched out before 15 year old Ash Ketchum, providing just enough light for him to raise his wrist and check the time.<p>

03:31.

He let his hand drop carelessly back to his side as he stared out at the expanse of water adjacent to his campsite. While Ash was not usually one to contemplate and reflect – he found that it was all he could do, when he was struck by the sleepless nights that had plagued him ever since he set foot in the unfamiliar region of Unova. Sometimes sleep would grace him with its sanctuary, but this was becoming increasingly rare – as bitter nostalgia relentlessly crept into his mind, keeping him awake and forcing him to consider just where things had begun to go wrong.

Ash bent down and picked up a pebble, absentmindedly tracing circles along its rough surface with his thumb, as he continued to stare blankly ahead. Someone stirred back at camp, and he turned to see Pikachu turning over in his sleep. This brought the shadow of a smile to his face, as he thought back to the start of his journey. How Pikachu had refused to obey him, and to the incident with the Spearow, that had begun their friendship of 5 years. Of all the friends he had, Pikachu was the only constant. The one that had, and always would, be there.

Ash's eyes then fell upon Cilan, prompting him to reminisce about those who had come and gone in his travels prior to Unova. He thought first, of Misty – how she would berate him for the slightest mistake. Something which he learnt, in time, was her way of helping him as a trainer and as a person. She had to leave him to return to Cerulean gym. Sad though her departure was, he understood why she had to leave. It was something out of his control.

Tracey – who had only travelled with Ash shortly, left to work with Professor Oak, and in doing so was following his dreams. Something Ash wouldn't stand in the way of. Something out of his control.

He thought of Brock – how he considered him a brother, and how he wouldn't have gotten half as far as he had without him. How he left to become a Pokemon Doctor in order to, like Tracey, follow his dreams. Something out of his control.

Max and May, who looked up to Ash more than any of his other travelling companions, had left for a multitude of reasons. May, to compete in contests in Johto with her rivals, and Max, as he would soon be old enough to begin his own journey. Something that Ash felt nothing but proud of, as he watched 2 friends he had mentored go about choosing their own path. Something out of his control.

And finally, Ash thought of Dawn. By the time Ash begun his journey in Sinnoh, he was 14 – and beginning to notice girls more than he had previously. When he met Dawn, he was struck by her enthusiasm, optimism, and persistent 'Never Back Down' attitude. All things that made Ash feel like he was looking at a mirror image of himself. She had cheered for him, and he for her. He had helped her progress as a co-ordinator, and she had helped him progress as a trainer. Their relationship had flourished as they travelled, and because of this, Ash held his time in Sinnoh close to his heart. But, like all his other travels, it had to come to an end at some point. Once the Lily of the Valley conference had come to its conclusion, Ash, Brock and Dawn had returned to Twinleaf town – Where Dawn received an invitation for her Buneary to model.

It was at this point that Ash came to the realisation that, he had become so accustomed to his friends leaving once they had finished travelling through a region, that he had become harrowingly nonchalant about the whole thing. He truly wanted Dawn to stay, as he had grown to care for her in a way that he didn't care for another. He thought about inviting Dawn to undertake contests in Unova when she had the chance, so that they could continue to travel together. But he never did. He had begun to 'expect' his friends to leave, and so – the only time that Ash had it in his power to control the situation, he let it slip through his fingers.

Ash glanced at the sleeping silhouette of Iris, and tried to shrug off the feeling that, while he was friends with Cilan and Iris – Journeying with them was simply not the same as it had been with others. Every day was a cycle of monotony and his aspirations as a trainer were beginning to seem less and less possible. But he had made his decision – he had the chance to act and he didn't, so now he would live with the ramifications of his indecisiveness.

Ash allowed a sigh to escape, as he let the pebble he was holding drop to the floor with a clatter, and proceeded to walk back to camp – the unfamiliar feeling of regret weighing heavy upon his shoulders.


End file.
